The “I Could Never…” Olympic Sport Anthology

For those of you who may have missed one or two (or all) of the twitter/facebook posts over the past two weeks; I present to you the complete collection of
“I could never…” Olympic Sports:

– I could never play water polo, bc I would punch anyone trying to dunk me that much…
    …Yeah, THAT’S why I could never play water polo!

– I could never be an Olympic Swimmer, bc those tiny goggles would annoy me…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never be an Olympic Swimmer!

– I could never run the Marathon, bc they don’t make Big n’ Tall track shorts…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never run the Marathon! 

– I could never play Beach Volleyball, bc I have very fair skin & burn easy…
...Yeah, THAT’S why I could never play Beach Volleyball!

– I could never be on the Rowing Team, bc I get sea sick way to easily…
...Yeah, THAT’S why I could never be on the Rowing Team!

– I could never Fence, bc the flashing helmets trigger memories of a traumatic lasertag
incident…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never Fence!

– I could never Synchronized Dive, bc I’d go off if my partner messed things up for us…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never Synchronized Dive!

– I could never Pole Vault, bc I have a fear of semi-moderate heights…
    …Yeah, THAT’S why I could never Pole Vault!

– I could never compete in Olympic Judo …

                …Yeah THAT’S why I could never compete in Olympic Judo!

– I could never do Team Handball, bc I suffer from Post Fat-Kid-In-School-Dodgeball
Traumatic Syndrome…
...Yeah, THAT’S why I’d never do Team Handball

– I could never compete on Pommel Horse, bc I’m protesting the new “flat-top” design…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never compete on Pommel Horse!

– I could never do The Rings in the Olympics bc chalk dust causes my allergies to flare up…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never do The Rings!

– I could never do The Long Jump, bc I can’t stand to get sand in my shoes…
 …Yeah, THAT’S why I could never do The Long Jump!

– I could never do Floor Routine bc my free spirit cant be contained by mat boundaries…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never do Floor Routine!

– I could never do the Mens High Bar, bc I’m too proud to ask my coach for a “boost” up to
the bar…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never do the Men’s High Bar!

– I could never Synchronized Swim, bc its unfair to ask any partner or team to match my
sweet pool moves….
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never Synchronized Swim!

– I could never run The 10,000 Meter, bc of my strong stance against the Metric System…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never run The 10,000 Meter!

– I could never compete in The Kayak, bc my legs are claustrophobic…
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never compete in The Kayak!

– I could never play Badminton, bc of the Political Scandals; no one plays for the love of the
game anymore…
 ..Yeah, THAT’S why I could never play Badminton!

– I could never do Rhythmic Gymnastics, bc I dance to the beat of a different drum …
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never do Rhythmic Gymnastics!

– I could never be an Olympic Sumo Wrestler bc… ….. um …. … um …. ….uhhhhhhhh ……….
ummm … uhhhhh …. hmmmm … uh… bc it’s not an Olympic Sport!
…Yeah, THAT’S why I could never be an Olympic Sumo Wrestler!

 

What was your favorite and why?

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One Response to The “I Could Never…” Olympic Sport Anthology

  1. Janice Myers says:

    These were pretty funny!

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