I have no problem with Trick or Treaters coming by the house on Halloween Night. But there are a few ground rules if you want to score some candy when ringing my doorbell.
Here are the 10 Costumes that will be denied candy if they show up at my door…
10. Clowns – I don’t like clowns. Never have. Never will. They scary the living begeebers out of me. They look right through me and smile as if they have no soul. Plus they hang out with mimes.
9. Elvis – There was only one King. I don’t drink the Kool-Aid that says he is still alive. But I will not allow his legacy to be tarnished by impersonations that do not do him justice.
8. Anyone over the age of 18 dressed up as ANYTHING – There is a fine line between Cute and Creepy. Don’t get me wrong. If you are an adult and want to dress up to go to a party or event, that is completely fine. But taking it door to door panhandling for candy is not acceptable.
7. Justin Bieber – It’s simple. A.) Any girl dressed up as The Biebs is just way too weird on so many levels. And B.) Any guy dressed up as The Biebs is just way too weird on so many levels.
6. The Devil – I’m a Minister, Com’on Man!
5. Any variation of Morphsuit – If you don’t know what these are, after this year, you will. This full body, lycra shroud covers every part of the body (including the face) in a disturbingly skin tight fashion. They are just not natural.
4. Hobo – This one, I think, dates back to my own personal childhood experience. I was a Hobo for like 4 years straight. The fact that the costume involved me wearing one of my dad’s old suits from the 60’s-70’s and shoe polish on my face also made it a very cheap costume. Probably one of the reasons it made a repeated appearance for so many years.
3. Zombie – I don’t want to have to be guessing if it is a costume or if the Zombie Apocalypse has actually finally occurred. Because in the case of the latter, I am in no shape to outrun a Zombie. And with my body size, let’s face it, I am Zombie’s All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.
2. Any Character from the Twilight Series – There is not a single character in that entire series that doesn’t make me uncomfortable in one way or another. So my porch is a NO TWILIGHT ZONE!
1. Presidential Candidates – Don’t use Halloween to make a political statement. If a kid shows up at my door dressed as Obama, I will take all their candy and distribute it evenly out to the rest of the kids who visit that night. If a kid shows up in a Romney mask, I will take their candy, give it to a few of the kids who seem to have more candy than the rest of the crowd and let those kids decide how to best distribute it.
Are there any costumes on your Ban List?