(Originally posted 2-13-2012)
Just in the nick of time – because most guys haven’t bought anything yet; in fact, if most guys reading this were honest, this post just reminded you that Valentine’s Day is two days away – I present 10 things NOT to give a woman on Valentine’s Day.
10. A Gym Membership
Guys, even though in your mind you are thinking, “she is always saying she wants to get in shape,” I can promise you that she doesn’t want any help from you in this area on this day.
This also includes any fitness related gifts of any kind, including but not limited to: bathroom scales, running shoes, pilates mat, Biggest Loser cookbook, and diet pills.
9. A Kitchen Appliance Of Any Kind
I would hope this one is self-explanatory. Because, nothing says, “I love you” more than, “Get in the kitchen and whip up a little something.” Right?
8. A Coupon For Public Displays Of Affection
Guys, we think we are being cute and sweet when we make the home-made coupon book that includes cards that say things like “Good for 1 FREE hug”, “Give one kiss get a second one FREE” and “Good for 30 minutes of hand holding in a public place.” But basically you are saying, “Ok, ok, I’ll kiss you, but you need to have your coupon; and you better hope it hasn’t expired.”
7. Any Car Accessory or Maintenance
Fellas, I know cars are important to us. But giving a woman with an oil change and tire rotation on her vehicle for Valentine’s Day just doesn’t scream romance. Ladies, sadly, men are putting forth an effort here. Guys really think they have done something when they stand there and anxiously watch you open ‘The Club: Car Security System’ on February 14. And they will stand there grinning from ear to ear and say, “See, Baby, now no one can steal your car!”
6. Drugstore Chocolates
Let me first clarify that there are acceptable candies to give for Valentine’s Day. But the standard, heart-shaped boxes that the local drugstore unpacks every year in January (most of which have been stored in the warehouse after not selling last year) are unacceptable. The message you are sending here, guys, is “I stopped off to buy some toilet paper and beef jerky and I thought of you.”
5. Tickets To An Event That YOU Wanna Go To
It cannot be denied that ladies love to be taken out for special events. They love for men to plan ahead and buy tickets in advance. That being said, guys don’t be surprised when they react negatively on Valentine’s Day if you present them with season tickets to the monster truck rally. Just because you wanna go see WWE Raw when it comes to a city near you, doesn’t mean she has her heart set on it.
4. A Gag Gift
We think we are hilarious, don’t we guys? Granted, I am all in favor of humor; I love a good joke. But if all you have to give her for Valentine’s is a t-shirt that reads “I’m With Stupid”, Well, then I would have to agree with the shirt. Save the fun for April 1.
3. Pepper Spray
Men think they are offering protection with a gift like this. It is that whole sense of security thing we want to offer. But gentlemen, if this is the only gift you have for her on “the most romantic day of the year,” then the only advice I can offer you is:
– Wash face and eyes with soap and water
– Flush eyes profusely with cold water
– Keep face exposed to fresh air
– Do not bandage the exposed area
– Repeat as needed until inflammation subsides
2. Power Tools Or Home Improvement Tools Of Any Kind
Guys, women are not stupid! When you tell them, “Honey, I love you so much, that I bought you this DEWALT DCK655X 18-Volt XRP Cordless 6 Tool Combo Kit!” they know who you bought it for. Because we all know it is every woman’s dream to have her own Snow Blower or Table Saw given to her on V-Day.
1. Anything in a ring-sized box that is NOT a ring
This is an absolute no no! Something happens to women when they see that velvet 2.5 inch square box. And when they open that box and find cubic zirconium earrings, things are going to go very badly, very quickly! Guys, just be safe and steer clear of any gift even remotely the same size of a ring box unless it is actually a ring. This no, no is especially true for single women. Oh, the horrors!
What are some other gifts NOT to give a woman on Valentine’s Day?